A few months back when in London, I met my mentor, and she and I were discussing some interesting cases which had been brought to our attention. These are real cases of three women from different organizations (One London case and two from India ).
The CEO of an AI start-up, a 29-year-old Harvard Alum was sacked by her Board! Her CFO says she made some bad calls and couldn’t keep the investors happy and the Board replaced her. Being fired, she completely lost her confidence, dumped her fiancè, and went into depression.
An outstanding woman leader who had been in the company for two decades got overlooked for a major promotion by the new CEO. She was told by her new boss that she needs to be a team player and more aligned with his vision!
A 32-year-old software engineer in a Consulting Company got back from maternity leave to find all her good projects handed over to someone and she had to work with “a bunch of losers”!
All the above women seemed at a crossroads in their lives.
I am not aware of the bad calls the young Harvard Grad took which cost her, her job. But I can tell you even if you are a promoter you have to have really good allies and great relationships with all your key stakeholders. More importantly, the best leaders always say they could see the end coming! We felt she was young, may have never thought this was the way the Board would go and perhaps being pretty hard on herself at the moment! But in the long run, learn a lot from this setback.
The second case is a familiar story of many women leaders I have come across. If they are assertive, they are pushy and always ‘not collaborative enough’. It is easy for peers to portray some women leaders as not good team players. This may be complete short-sightedness on the CEO’s part and this decision of his will dampen this lady’s spirit for a while, she may find it difficult to trust anybody for a while but since loyal to the company will eventually find her mojo.
Having a baby is such an important decision in life but it doesn’t come without its own set of challenges if you are ambitious at work as well. When your role or portfolio is changed because you were on maternity leave it just confuses the good performers when they return to work. The young software engineer would in all probability opt for WFH to escape the current stalemate at work before seeking a fresh start somewhere else!
From the women’s perspective, my mentor and I were discussing how such phases in life can be so confusing and scary for women of all ages!
Each time you are coming out of your comfort zone or putting yourself out there to try something new, you can experience the imposter syndrome. Just one negative thought or moment of fear and the downward spiral of loss of confidence and self-doubt takes over and you may dismiss all prior successful accomplishments, raises, promotions, and compliments as ‘fluke’ and feel like an ‘imposter’. The fear is what will happen if the ‘real’ you get discovered!
The truth is it’s completely normal and human to have these thoughts and feelings. Whilst being out of our comfort zones many people panic, second-guessing everything they are set out to do because it doesn’t feel ‘safe’, and so they tend to do everything in their power to cancel or back out. Trying to save themselves from unnecessary stress, potential criticism and embarrassment!
I suggest a few easy things that have worked for me to overcome self-doubt:
a. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and know that you are talented, skilled, and amazing at what you do. (Your old friends and family may be your cheerleaders but may not understand your world of work)
b. Embrace your fear - Resisting fear will only cause it to persist in your mind and body. Self-talk into moving forward in life, and the fear will naturally fade away.
c. Explore your feelings. Is there a specific fear? What’s making you feel anxious, nervous and insecure? Is there a past incident
d. Take care of yourself. When you are experiencing all these overwhelming negative feelings, thoughts, and emotions of insecurity and anxiety, be there for yourself. Take a break, stay in bed, drink something warm and comforting, and do whatever it is that calms you down and makes you come back to yourself ( including talking to good friends who are supportive and not judgy).
e. Finally, remember not everything is about life and death, if at first it doesn’t work out, get back to the drawing board and restart! Realize there is no failure, only feedback.
(This article first appeared on the WiP page 19th Feb 2024. I am the founder of WiP which is a cohort of like minded talented women who help each other grow in a fun filled, judgement free manner!)