“It’s fine, I’m fine, Everything is Fine..!” 

Most people in my work life have told me at one time or the other that they love the fact that I come across as someone who is very “Strong, Upbeat and Bubbly” without realising that many a times I had been masking my true feelings!  Whilst giving a lot of myself for supporting others, I wasn’t seen as having any emotions other than happy. 

Because of the demands of my job I sincerely felt that I had to hold it together all the time or keep up a façade for others, rather than let people know that I had feelings too.

Keeping it together came easy to me.  I would “never let ’em see me sweat”? Well, even in my worst moments, I would keep it all in place and poised for the public, so much so that I would be in denial of the pain or challenges I was going through in reality. 

It’s not that I didn’t try to be honest about my emotions but whenever I did the whole situation would kind of become very awkward and I would end up regretting sharing my real emotions with them. 

Once a colleague asked me how was I doing and I responded honestly with “I’m hanging in there, but I’m fine.” He immediately made a face and seemed disturbed by my response. He said, “Woooooah, you gotta change that. You sound too defeated and that’s not what people want to hear from someone in your place. You must always answer with a positive response.” He then went on to provide ways for me to respond in the near future.    

What this person didn’t know was, I was feeling down and discouraged!

I had poured all of myself into doing things to change the system and saw things not happening as quickly as I thought they should. So, it was a tough time as I sorted through those different emotions.

At first, I felt lousy about my response, because with me being considered the “upbeat, strong one,” always smiling and helping others to feel better, there is an assumption of how I should be at all times. I thought I had somehow let that person down by revealing my true feelings in that moment. I also felt embarrassed, because I’d exposed a small part of myself and felt like I was rejected and told how I should sound. But after I thought about it, I realized I was fine with my response because it was a genuine answer. I am on a path of making true connections with others, and I no longer want to “act” and pretend to be fine when I’m not.

While this person didn’t have any ill intent and actually thought he was being helpful in telling me how I should respond, it clearly made it uncomfortable for me to open up to him the next time around.

Today, I would rather be honest and authentic and disappoint some people than to exhaust myself trying to keep up the façade of perfection.

The above situation made me wonder, when we ask people “How are you doing?” are we really open to an honest response or are we looking to hear the template/ superficial response we so often hear, “I’m fine”?

I also thought about how many people wear a mask every day or keep a façade to avoid showing their humanity and potentially making others feel uncomfortable. The people we interact with every day are carrying worries, concerns, and emotional pain within, and we cannot ask them to put on a fake smiley face and tell them to be on their way. These people need someone to truly see them.

(This article first appeared on the WiP page on March 27, 2023. I am the founder of WiP which is a cohort of like minded talented women who help each other grow in a fun filled, judgement free manner!)