Have you wondered about your style of parenting? Recently whilst standing in a line to get a RT-PCR test done (within my apartment complex), I heard a couple of young neighbourhood moms discussing their kids. What seemed to me was a classic case of helicopter moms!
Well, the metaphor helicopter parenting was first used in a 1969 book titled “Between Parent and Teenager” written by Dr. Haim Ginott. Every parent wants their children to be happy and do well for themselves. Given an opportunity, many a parents would jump at the chance to make their kid’s life easier. But one is normal instinctual behavior, and other is when parents take “being supportive” to another level and hover over their children like a helicopter — hence the term. Basically it means hyper-involvement in a child’s life. It’s the opposite of free-range parenting where independence and thinking are encouraged in children.
Examples of helicopter parenting can be trying to prevent every minor fall and never allowing the child to play alone, standing over a teenager’s shoulder as they do their homework, or choosing the child’s friends for them, volunteering in school often just to be able to meet your child’s teachers and seeking constant feedback on your child’s progress, helping them complete their home work, enlisting them in endless extracurricular activities - such parents just want to shield their children from failure and disappointment. These are natural reactions of parents who fear for their children’s future.
Well the examples I heard was of an anxious mother of a little seven year old boy who was going for karate, piano, singing lessons, gym, some maths class, drawing and skating before the pandemic. The discussion was that post pandemic many of these classes had got discontinued and would affect his future. Also, more recently it wasn’t possible for his mother to fix his play dates even with known friends now that the lockdown was imposed again. I came back home thinking about modern day parenting dilemmas!
Research says parents who are heavily involved in the lives of their children enjoy greater happiness and meaning in their lives. However, it also says that children with helicopter parents tend to develop low self-confidence or low self-esteem. That’s because as they get older they may doubt their own abilities since they’ve never had to figure out anything on their own. They might feel that their parents don’t trust them to make their own decisions, and even start to question whether they’re equipped to manage their own life.
As a working mom I always felt guilty that I wasn’t spending a lot of time at my daughter’s school or enlisting her in the number of activities like other members of her peer group. I now take solace in the fact that I was still able to raise a confident girl who is following her dreams ( although I find my guilt pangs coming when I meet these young moms).
Parenting in my view is complicated and there is no one formula that fits all. Some children may require helicopter parenting and others not. Some of us try to emulate our parents for what they did right or compensate for what they didn’t. If we can just show our child that we are always there for them without solving all of their problems for them, it just might encourage independence and their ability to make age appropriate decisions. Do reflect on this subject!
(This article first appeared on the WiP page on April 19th, 2021. I am the founder of WiP which is a cohort of like minded talented women who help each other grow in a fun filled, judgement free manner!)