Most of us have grown up listening to stories from their grandma-grandpa, Maanji -Bapuji, Amma- Appa, Dida- Daadu - about how they both met for the first time only when they got married; how young were they and how little they knew about each other, about life per se or about parenting! We would laugh and giggle endlessly and your parents would say these are the only stories they know about their parents. My mom would share stories of friends who had absentee fathers or stereotypical fathers who were strong and formidable patriarchs, very aloof from day-to-day family matters. Their mothers would hold the household together and manage the finances from what they received from their husbands. They remembered fathers as hardworking souls busy providing for their large families and travelling a lot. Many men of that generation were the sole bread earners, and protectors of their women and children and lived in social fear of their communities. Staying within the bounds of caste and religion seemed important to them. But one felt fortunate to hear stories of your own grandparents if they encouraged good education for sons and daughters alike, and blessed your parents to have an inter-caste marriage! Seriously!

At a time when men were raised to just “be a man” which inherently meant: Don’t ask for help, figure it out, buck up, suck it up, never admitting failure and don’t even ask for directions. Most men of that generation only knew to stuff their emotions into compartments until they seeped out sideways – in irritation and anger. They carried their worlds on their shoulders and remained unable or incapable of sharing their true thoughts or burdens with others (especially their women) who might have really been able to help them. I wonder if that was one of the reasons for the high mortality rates in those years.

Globally, many inventions happened and great men were reported in every field but only a very few women. These women happened to always tell stories of inspiring fathers or partners who believed in them. Father’s Day is meant to recognize the contribution and influence of fathers and father-like figures to whom we turn to for advice and support in our lives!

When our generation became parents, we saw perhaps because of education and changing societal norms, a rise in inter-caste/inter-racial marriages and the breaking of large families into small nuclear families. People started moving across the country and world for good education/jobs which opened their minds and changed their aspirations. Moreover, the feminist era supported more and more women desiring meaningful careers and aspiring to have partners who understood their ambition even whilst having a family together.

Increasingly, I see fathers adopting a beautiful approach to complement the mother’s role in bringing up children or looking after the household. Yes, the numbers are still far and few but I would like to say the trend is changing. If women have to have great careers it can happen only if our partners play an equally important role in our children’s lives.

As a coach, I see more and more men being overwhelmed, stressed and strained, especially in these tough economic times, but the good thing is they are learning to share their emotions. Being able to communicate their feelings is healthy and an integral part of resolving their concerns.

I am highly optimistic about this generation of men regarding their choices to become or not to become fathers. Whatever it is it’s an imagined future of a joy-filled life ahead!

(This article first appeared on the WiP page on 19th June, 2023 . I am the founder of WiP which is a cohort of like minded talented women who help each other grow in a fun filled, judgement free manner!)