A rival is a person competing with others for the same thing or in the same area as you and a nemesis is defined as an opponent or rival, someone you compete against, someone whose skills are nearly identical to yours and yet, always seems to finish ahead of you, getting a higher grade, and generally making you feel flustered.
Each day news sells because of stories about the rivalry of sportsmen, celebrities, political parties, business families and so on.
At work we love colleagues who positively impact our careers: the cheerleaders, the best friends, mentors, and current or former bosses/peers who give timely and sound advice, and really are the secret ingredient to building and shaping our careers. But the last category of people are our ‘rivals’ whom we dread to face and if they are women we may resent them even more and nurse ill feelings towards them!
Yes, girls can be girls’ best friends! We have heard that a zillion times and we know that we ought to support and encourage each other, adjust each other’s crowns etc. but there are some women we just dislike immensely! A recent survey indicated that almost 62% of women employees confirmed that they had at least one office enemy, whether she was a bully or a mere irritant, while 43% said they had more than one!
Most people gave one of these three reasons to justify their office nemesis:
a) they bent the truth in their own favour,
b) commented on other’s performance and/or
c) sabotaged their work intentionally or indirectly! Basically, it couldn’t be trusted at any cost!
Women tend to clash with other women of their ‘level of seniority or higher’; in similar domain areas, as was the case with men.
There are several North American studies where the authors tend to describe conflict between women as ‘particularly petty and disgraceful’, with more serious ‘hostility’ and longer-lasting consequences than the identical conflict between two men.
A few years back, I read an article by Professor Brian Uzzi, a professor at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University, Illinois who describes that the good kind of nemesis can really drive positive motivation and help people to reach further, and see the possibility to do things that you couldn’t before ( the way healthy competition works) and that works as long as the relationship doesn’t turn toxic!
My suggestions for dealing with a rival at work would be as follows:-
Be more self-aware of your feelings and emotions (understand them and don’t rationalise them)
Work towards creating healthy boundaries
Be the better person and avoid confrontations
Stay focused on the situation/conversation at hand and keep emotions at bay.
Have a third neutral person be present to witness your conversation just in case you can’t trust how the discussion is minuted.
Be mindful of yourself & others around you
If this person continues to make you feel uncomfortable, please feel free to seek advice from HR or your Supervisor.
On a lighter note - always introspect and maintain perspective! Don’t get ahead of yourself. Remember the saying - Keep your friends close and your enemies closer ( follow that)! Don’t let ego get in the way of finding a peaceful solution.
(This article first appeared on the WiP page on 4th April, 2024. I am the founder of WiP which is a cohort of like minded talented women who help each other grow in a fun filled, judgement free manner!)