Have you ever been blindsided in a relationship or at work? 

A mutual old friend had been avoiding us for the last year and a half and we wondered what had gone wrong with him.  He accidentally met my husband last week and poured his heart out. Apparently, he had learnt that his wife had been cheating on him for over three decades so much so that his second son may not be his legitimate one. I thought that was a very cruel thing to do to anyone. Imagine a very successful businessman getting blindsided like that.

Then a close friend shared with me how her younger sister blindsided her brother and her when their dad died, by challenging their father’s “will”, when his funeral wasn’t even over.  Both the older siblings were absolutely in shock because they were still grieving their dad’s sudden demise. And here this younger sister had started her own drama.

Their stories and how the events sequentially unfolded for each one of them,  the feelings of extreme hurt cum anger cum physical manifestation of sleeplessness and numbness they were experiencing made me really sad! This got me thinking about how getting blindsided is perhaps one of the worst feelings in the world.  

At work, I often saw people feeling a sense of betrayal when they were overlooked by their bosses for a senior appointment or promotion or a bonus after being promised the moon. They work hard to deliver some top or bottom line numbers and  bring in some mega deals for the organisation and feel they enjoy trust of their bosses . At the end only to be told that “the business strategy has got changed” or the organisation has decided to move into a completely different direction; or “investment has dried up” and so on. This can be a huge setback to an individual personally and can come as a huge surprise especially if someone less competent or less worthy in different department gets it and you don’t! We would call this being hugely blindsided again. 

My friends are very good and kind hearted people but going through such a huge betrayal / break in trust can make you completely loose your mind. At this age they are dumbstruck what to tell their children, friends or colleagues!   

Being blindsided at work may seem much easier but the people involved sometimes have far too much riding on that raise or promotion that not making the list can cause immense stress and mental trauma to them. They would perceive it as humiliation for not being recognised for their good work. Quitting is not always an option. Similarly being cheated or duped by a business partner can cause immense pain to the person over and above the  financial loss.

I have been blindsided by people I have trusted - some of my subordinates became in ‘cahoots’ with some of my peers and Superior and passed-on information. I was stunned when I found out that! I took the high road and told them that I forgive you when they came to apologise but honestly, I have still not been able to forget those deeds of those people till now. 

I am left wondering how do people manage to heal from such betrayals? Do the scars always remain? Does trust in personal relationships ever come back to them? Do you start afresh and hope for the best the next time over? 

(This article first appeared on the WiP page on 22nd April 2024. I am the founder of WiP which is a cohort of like minded talented women who help each other grow in a fun filled, judgement free manner!)