I was promised fear when I played “darkroom” for the first time with my brother and friends at an age of eight. It’s basically a game of hide and seek played in a pitch dark room. The youngest of children can start crying and the oldest usually have a laugh at their cost. I was scared but I didn’t sense or experience any harm or discomfort in the game, so it became fun! And one felt brave!

Threat or harm, either physical, emotional, or psychological, real or imagined can set “real fear” in us. Early in life, we figure what things trigger fear in most of us, whether it’s darkness, fear of heights, water, fear of rodents, spider and other animals or actually fear of social interactions, rejection, death and dying! Left uncontrolled all these real or imaginary fears can make one afraid of nearly anything (even one’s own shadow).

There are some fears that are innate in us and others we acquire because of a previous traumatic experience! Losing a parent early in life (separation anxiety or fear of abandonment) or having overprotecting parents or facing physical or sexual abuse as a child can all create fears of varying degrees and emotional responses such as disgust. One can see fear in people’s eyes / expressions, their voices (high pitch sometimes) and their overall body language.

In modern life parents therefore try their level best to remove reasons that could cause persistent fears to develop in children and help them cope with fighting their fears from early on. At school - it can be about marks, competition, injuries, not getting selected in what they aspire to do, or being shunned or mocked by friends and as they grow in their social interactions of not being popular, athletic, nerdy or talented enough. These things can sometimes be sources of constant anxiety and growing up these add to the list of persistent fears one has. They even follow you in your work, family and love life unless you learn to cope with them. Sometimes it may even require intervention of a mental health professional.

Being nervous before a date or a presentation or a big game seems natural, but the same can give rise to fear when the stakes are being rejected by someone you desire or losing an important promotion or a brand endorsement - all impending threats to one’s emotional well-being.

We are all capable of doing many things we wouldn’t typically be able, or willing, to do in order to stop these threats. Important action therefore is to identify the triggers first. Fear can actually save our lives by forcing us to react without having to think about it (e.g., jumping out of the way of a car coming at us). The evolutionary preset actions of fear include fight, flight and freezing.

All my life I felt in a “carrot or stick” approach - the former holds a more motivating force but experience taught me that the stick can make change happen faster - because the fear of losing money, fame, recognition or reputation really does make the world go round !

They say your fears will be tested because you need to learn courage ! It’s only natural that we all have fears. Do reflect how do you grapple with your fears, and how do you push past them?

(This article first appeared on the WiP page on June 28, 2021. I am the founder of WiP which is a cohort of like minded talented women who help each other grow in a fun filled, judgement free manner!)